This is Where the Healing Begins

Emotional healing is there. But, in order for healing to begin, the one in need of it has to make a choice.

Remember the woman with the issue of blood (Matthew 9:20-22)? She had searched everywhere for healing for years. She spent all of her money on "healing". It was not until she made a choice to go the Healer that her healing occurred.

Imagine what was going through her mind. She had probably heard about this Healer, Jesus, sometime before. But I imagine that she had come to the point in life that she had given up hope on healing for herself. Healing wasn't in the cards for her. She had done everything that she could do.

But then she heard that Jesus was in town...What if...No, he couldn't or wouldn't help her. But...what if?

What would it hurt? It wouldn't cost any money-time and embarrassment-yes, but that wasn't anything she hadn't had to deal with before. The more she thought about it, the more that the possibility of healing began to flicker a flame of hope deep down in a place that she thought was shut off for good.

So, when she heard that he was close to her place, she new it was now or never. Unfortunately for her, not only was she a woman, she had this unforgivable issue. This issue was the source of shame for some 12 years.

Let's pause here and think of the the man blind from birth (John 9:1-12). The pharisees tried to pen his life-long condition as punishment for a sin his parents or he and had committed. But what did Jesus say was the reason? "but for the works of God to be made manifest in him." (John 9:3) In other words, so when the healing finally did come, God would get the glory!

Go back with me to the woman with the issue of blood.

Here it is. This is big, are you ready?

12 years she lived with the shame and isolation of this...condition...something that she probably had not caused her self and had no control over.

Why?

For that day. For the day when Jesus came. For the choice she made that said to the generations, "My issue and my healing is for GOD'S glory."

That day she had an inside out healing. Not just physical, but emotional. But she had to take the first step. She had to make a choice to go to Jesus. Bust up through the chaos and take the healing that He wanted to give.

What's your condition? Not just physical, but the deep down condition that draws a shadow over you and your life? Be honest with yourself. It's tough, believe me, I know. Here are a few of mine: guilt, resentment, caring too much about what others think about me, PRIDE (my biggie), loneliness, fear, etc. That's just a few.

So here's my choice: Keep carrying my issues around, or bust through the chaos of my life and touch the Healer. Let him do the work in me that He's been waiting to do and then LIVE ABUNDANTLY. And each and every time Satan tries to bring my issues up again, I chose to remember what Jeremiah said in Lamentations Chapter 3 about remembering hope and choosing to keep a grip on hope. I'm choosing holding on to hope and let go of issues.

Kutz for Kidz

Kyle and I are both PK's. Preacher's Kids. While neither of us ever felt "called" to a specific ministry, we did know, with out a doubt, that the Lord had a specific calling for us. That was helping people. Kyle was always the best at helping people. I'm pretty sure that almost everyone that knew Kyle was helped by in at least once, in one way or another. He just had an eye for seeing needs and meeting them. I guess my role in this was helping Kyle help others. Now, it's my turn to find the needs and meet them. I can't think of a better way to honor Kyle than to dig in and get to work!

I just wish that Kyle was at home for me tonight to tell all of the stories from MFBC's first annual Kutz for Kidz! I helped to organize a few hairdressers and volunteers for free back to school haircuts and manicures/pedicures. It was an amazing day! Kids that were hesitant and unsure when they entered the church left excited and full of confidence to start the new year. They also left with a fresh cut, painted nails, and hygiene kits. I was so proud of our church and volunteers. Thanks to Darlena Crow, Monta Hedge, Sarah Wilson, Rachel Winn, and Gina Miller for cutting hair. Thanks to Janet Stone, Lorie Long, Bethany Long, Hannah Long, Nikki Robinson, and Lisa Bridges for painting nails, stuffing bags, sweeping up hair and fixing lunch! Thanks to MFBC for your generous donations. We had exactally enough money to get exactally what we needed! Isn't God AWESOME?

I've got to share my favorite moment from the day! One girl, a senior, came for a new do. Her hair looked like it hadn't been cut in some time. Sarah did her magic and this quiet, unsure girl emerged glowing! She then went over and let the girls paint her nails, then left. About an hour later I felt someone tapping on my shoulder. It was her. She had gone home and fixed her hair and wanted to come back and show me. Of course she looked wonderful and we all told her. Her little brother was with her, so we washed his sweaty hair and cut his too. Just after they left, I went to pick up some other kids to get their hair cut and I spotted the girl and her brother walking down the road. They had walked, a ways, to the church not once to get a haircut, but a second time to show us her "fixed" hair because she was so excited and thankful! Makes it all worth it!!!

I Feel You When...

This is one that I have had rolling around in my head for months. I just keep adding to it.

I feel you when the sun is shining
I feel you when our children laugh
I feel you beside me when I waterski
I feel you when the Cardinals come on tv
I feel you when anyone eats anything weird
I feel you when I don't know what do do
I feel you when there are a millon stars in the sky
I feel you when I'm lonely, oh so lonely
I feel you when I smile


One of the last days that Kyle and I had together, we ran to the post office. I went in for stamps and he waited in the truck. When I got back in the truck, he said, "You should smile more. You have a lot to smile about." I try and remember that when I feel down. He's right. Although my heart is broken in 1,000 pieces, I do have a lot to smile about. Just another way to keep him alive:SMILE.

What I Really Believe

Let me start out with saying that God is good. In each and every circumstance, He is good. Until 4 months ago I never really had any reason to believe otherwise. My life had minor ups and downs, but overall it was great. As a matter of fact, I remember thinking that very thought just hours before Kyle died. In the moments and days that followed Kyle's death, I had a choice to make. I needed to choose what I really, really believed: Was God good or not?

In those moments of complete and utter heartbreak I made the hardest decision of my life. I chose to believe that God was, is, and will be good. Is my heart still shattered? Yes. Am I scared, lonely, uncertain of my future? Yes, yes and yes. But is God still good? YES.

Now, let me tell you how I know that. When the doctor came in the waiting room that night and told me that Kyle did not survive, I immediately felt Jesus hugging me. I felt Jesus' physical presence in that room and around my shoulders. In moments of grief and panic I called his name and felt him again.

I can't decide if my life has been a roller coster or a soap opera the past four months but through it all God is good. He would still be good if I had never felt that physical presence around me that night. He is good.

I have now literally walked through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil. Fearing no evil doesn't mean that I God is going to spare me from evil or unpleasant situations, it means that when I am faced with those situations, I have nothing to fear, for God is with me.

I think that, for me, until i walked through that valley and had to chose to completely depend on the Lord, I never really knew how good, awesome, and loving God is.

This Evening I Felt Like a Mom

It has been so long that I have been able to hang out with my kids that I almost forgot how much fun being a mom really is. I totally and completely enjoyed being with my children this evening. We blew up the cool slip-n-slide thing that I found at the world's most wonderful store, (guesses on where, anyone?) got out the water hose and went at it. The kids were head to toe went in seconds and we had a blast. When I told Lane that it was dinner time he said, "It's not dinner time, it's goldfish time!" So...we had goldfish for dinner. And popcicles. 3 each.

Anyway...

All that to say this. I love, love, love my children. Remind me of that the next time someone poops in his Mickey Mouse underwear or another someone feeds all of his lunch to my (grateful) dog!

Thank you, Lord for these precious blessings. Help me to cherish each moment with them and not wish time away. Teach me to see them as you do and treat them with the grace and mercy that you treat me.

The Mornings, According to Lane

Lane has always been an early riser. I remember my first day back to school after he was born rocking him at 4:45am...of course it was fine with me that I got that time with him, but that incident only served as a foreshadow for things to come. When he was learning to talk he would lie in his bed in the early mornings practicing his words. We could hear him in there spounting off word after word. Every morning I would stay outside of his door for a few minutes secretly listening to what he had to say. Then, I would walk in with a smile and asked if he slept good. Fast foward a few months. It didn't take long for this child to speak in sentences! He's the kid that wouldn't learn the sign language-he just said the word! By this time, when he would be ready to get out of bed he would yell, "Momma, I sleepted good!" That was my cue. Always early mind you. Usually about 6am.
A few weeks ago my oldest baby got a big boy bed. I had been putting it off because I didn't want to deal with it. You know, not staying in the bed at bed time. The crib was easy because when he was in it, he was in it! He only tried to climb out once, that didn't go well for him and he never tried again. Well, the first night he climbed in, I covered him up, prayed with him, kissed him good night and that was it! I was so impressed with myself for raising such a wonderful child! Every night has been the same: Easy smeasy. Now for the mornings I can't say the same thing. The first morning after that first easy night, he waltzed into our room at 5:30 announcing, "Here I am!". I tried to pass him off on my husband, but he thinks that since he has a "job" he should get to sleep! HA! Then I tried to have get in the bed with us, but after of two and a half years of sleeping by himself, he wouldn't have it. So, up we were. The next morning we fought! He kept saying, "But I sleepted good!" like that was reason enough to be up before 6am. For a few days when he would get up we could hear the fridge opening an closing. Ever so quietly he would sneak into our room and place a half eaten strawberry on the night stand. Through out the day when I would be in and out of the kitchen I would find random pieces of partially eaten fruit! Now we have fallen into a routine. He gets up around 6:30 and I turn on Mickey and get him a "snack".
Then I catch another 30 minutes of sleep before the baby wakes up!

Things that no one tells you before you have kids...part one

Disclaimer: This post is not for the faint of heart. It deals with the ugly mess of potty training.

I believe that when the doctor handed me my first born, he should have warned me about potty training. That dear, sweet, darling child peed in his diaper (most of the time) and pooped there too. Well, I expected potty training to go basically the same way. You know, pee goes in the toilet as does poop.
Not so.
Well, where does it go? Just let me tell you. Pee: goes on every possible surface in my bathroom (and somehow in the hallway outside of the bathroom door), but very rarely makes it into the toilet. I will take any advice BUT the Cheerio advice. Tried it, doesn't work.
Poop? Only those mothers who have scrubbed the poop out of cherished Mickey Mouse underwear can understand. There are no words to describe the utter disgust that that involves.
So here we are, warning or not, in the middle of this journey called potty training. We made it through another day with only one accident. And guess what? I have ANOTHER BOY to potty train when this one is finished.
P.S. Thank you mom. I am just beginning to understand all that you did for me!

Just as I am...

1 Peter 5:7 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
7 casting all your care upon Him, because He cares about you.

The invitation song during church this morning was the old faithful, Just As I Am. Oh hum...
Then I listened, actually listened to those old words.
Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me.
Just as I am.
Just as I am.
Just as you are.
So many times we feel like we cannot go to church because we have this issue or that issue in our life. We cannot go to church because we're "dirty" and need to be clean to go in the building. Some how, some where, we've got people thinking that inorder to be worthy of entering the church building that they've got to have it all figured out. How far from the truth!
While I was thinking about this, I thought about my car. I don't wash my car before taking it to the car wash. How dumb would that be? I take my car, just like it is: dusty, gravely, dirty. I take it just like it is and let the machine do it's job. That's why Jesus left us the church. He wants us so bad that we'll take us just like we are. Bring it in, bring it all in. Then, leave it there and let Jesus do his job.


Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me, but that thou bidst me come to thee, oh lamb of God I come. I come.