What I Really Believe

Let me start out with saying that God is good. In each and every circumstance, He is good. Until 4 months ago I never really had any reason to believe otherwise. My life had minor ups and downs, but overall it was great. As a matter of fact, I remember thinking that very thought just hours before Kyle died. In the moments and days that followed Kyle's death, I had a choice to make. I needed to choose what I really, really believed: Was God good or not?

In those moments of complete and utter heartbreak I made the hardest decision of my life. I chose to believe that God was, is, and will be good. Is my heart still shattered? Yes. Am I scared, lonely, uncertain of my future? Yes, yes and yes. But is God still good? YES.

Now, let me tell you how I know that. When the doctor came in the waiting room that night and told me that Kyle did not survive, I immediately felt Jesus hugging me. I felt Jesus' physical presence in that room and around my shoulders. In moments of grief and panic I called his name and felt him again.

I can't decide if my life has been a roller coster or a soap opera the past four months but through it all God is good. He would still be good if I had never felt that physical presence around me that night. He is good.

I have now literally walked through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil. Fearing no evil doesn't mean that I God is going to spare me from evil or unpleasant situations, it means that when I am faced with those situations, I have nothing to fear, for God is with me.

I think that, for me, until i walked through that valley and had to chose to completely depend on the Lord, I never really knew how good, awesome, and loving God is.