What I Really Believe

Let me start out with saying that God is good. In each and every circumstance, He is good. Until 4 months ago I never really had any reason to believe otherwise. My life had minor ups and downs, but overall it was great. As a matter of fact, I remember thinking that very thought just hours before Kyle died. In the moments and days that followed Kyle's death, I had a choice to make. I needed to choose what I really, really believed: Was God good or not?

In those moments of complete and utter heartbreak I made the hardest decision of my life. I chose to believe that God was, is, and will be good. Is my heart still shattered? Yes. Am I scared, lonely, uncertain of my future? Yes, yes and yes. But is God still good? YES.

Now, let me tell you how I know that. When the doctor came in the waiting room that night and told me that Kyle did not survive, I immediately felt Jesus hugging me. I felt Jesus' physical presence in that room and around my shoulders. In moments of grief and panic I called his name and felt him again.

I can't decide if my life has been a roller coster or a soap opera the past four months but through it all God is good. He would still be good if I had never felt that physical presence around me that night. He is good.

I have now literally walked through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil. Fearing no evil doesn't mean that I God is going to spare me from evil or unpleasant situations, it means that when I am faced with those situations, I have nothing to fear, for God is with me.

I think that, for me, until i walked through that valley and had to chose to completely depend on the Lord, I never really knew how good, awesome, and loving God is.

This Evening I Felt Like a Mom

It has been so long that I have been able to hang out with my kids that I almost forgot how much fun being a mom really is. I totally and completely enjoyed being with my children this evening. We blew up the cool slip-n-slide thing that I found at the world's most wonderful store, (guesses on where, anyone?) got out the water hose and went at it. The kids were head to toe went in seconds and we had a blast. When I told Lane that it was dinner time he said, "It's not dinner time, it's goldfish time!" So...we had goldfish for dinner. And popcicles. 3 each.

Anyway...

All that to say this. I love, love, love my children. Remind me of that the next time someone poops in his Mickey Mouse underwear or another someone feeds all of his lunch to my (grateful) dog!

Thank you, Lord for these precious blessings. Help me to cherish each moment with them and not wish time away. Teach me to see them as you do and treat them with the grace and mercy that you treat me.