What I Really Believe

Let me start out with saying that God is good. In each and every circumstance, He is good. Until 4 months ago I never really had any reason to believe otherwise. My life had minor ups and downs, but overall it was great. As a matter of fact, I remember thinking that very thought just hours before Kyle died. In the moments and days that followed Kyle's death, I had a choice to make. I needed to choose what I really, really believed: Was God good or not?

In those moments of complete and utter heartbreak I made the hardest decision of my life. I chose to believe that God was, is, and will be good. Is my heart still shattered? Yes. Am I scared, lonely, uncertain of my future? Yes, yes and yes. But is God still good? YES.

Now, let me tell you how I know that. When the doctor came in the waiting room that night and told me that Kyle did not survive, I immediately felt Jesus hugging me. I felt Jesus' physical presence in that room and around my shoulders. In moments of grief and panic I called his name and felt him again.

I can't decide if my life has been a roller coster or a soap opera the past four months but through it all God is good. He would still be good if I had never felt that physical presence around me that night. He is good.

I have now literally walked through the valley of the shadow of death. I will fear no evil. Fearing no evil doesn't mean that I God is going to spare me from evil or unpleasant situations, it means that when I am faced with those situations, I have nothing to fear, for God is with me.

I think that, for me, until i walked through that valley and had to chose to completely depend on the Lord, I never really knew how good, awesome, and loving God is.

This Evening I Felt Like a Mom

It has been so long that I have been able to hang out with my kids that I almost forgot how much fun being a mom really is. I totally and completely enjoyed being with my children this evening. We blew up the cool slip-n-slide thing that I found at the world's most wonderful store, (guesses on where, anyone?) got out the water hose and went at it. The kids were head to toe went in seconds and we had a blast. When I told Lane that it was dinner time he said, "It's not dinner time, it's goldfish time!" So...we had goldfish for dinner. And popcicles. 3 each.

Anyway...

All that to say this. I love, love, love my children. Remind me of that the next time someone poops in his Mickey Mouse underwear or another someone feeds all of his lunch to my (grateful) dog!

Thank you, Lord for these precious blessings. Help me to cherish each moment with them and not wish time away. Teach me to see them as you do and treat them with the grace and mercy that you treat me.

The Mornings, According to Lane

Lane has always been an early riser. I remember my first day back to school after he was born rocking him at 4:45am...of course it was fine with me that I got that time with him, but that incident only served as a foreshadow for things to come. When he was learning to talk he would lie in his bed in the early mornings practicing his words. We could hear him in there spounting off word after word. Every morning I would stay outside of his door for a few minutes secretly listening to what he had to say. Then, I would walk in with a smile and asked if he slept good. Fast foward a few months. It didn't take long for this child to speak in sentences! He's the kid that wouldn't learn the sign language-he just said the word! By this time, when he would be ready to get out of bed he would yell, "Momma, I sleepted good!" That was my cue. Always early mind you. Usually about 6am.
A few weeks ago my oldest baby got a big boy bed. I had been putting it off because I didn't want to deal with it. You know, not staying in the bed at bed time. The crib was easy because when he was in it, he was in it! He only tried to climb out once, that didn't go well for him and he never tried again. Well, the first night he climbed in, I covered him up, prayed with him, kissed him good night and that was it! I was so impressed with myself for raising such a wonderful child! Every night has been the same: Easy smeasy. Now for the mornings I can't say the same thing. The first morning after that first easy night, he waltzed into our room at 5:30 announcing, "Here I am!". I tried to pass him off on my husband, but he thinks that since he has a "job" he should get to sleep! HA! Then I tried to have get in the bed with us, but after of two and a half years of sleeping by himself, he wouldn't have it. So, up we were. The next morning we fought! He kept saying, "But I sleepted good!" like that was reason enough to be up before 6am. For a few days when he would get up we could hear the fridge opening an closing. Ever so quietly he would sneak into our room and place a half eaten strawberry on the night stand. Through out the day when I would be in and out of the kitchen I would find random pieces of partially eaten fruit! Now we have fallen into a routine. He gets up around 6:30 and I turn on Mickey and get him a "snack".
Then I catch another 30 minutes of sleep before the baby wakes up!

Things that no one tells you before you have kids...part one

Disclaimer: This post is not for the faint of heart. It deals with the ugly mess of potty training.

I believe that when the doctor handed me my first born, he should have warned me about potty training. That dear, sweet, darling child peed in his diaper (most of the time) and pooped there too. Well, I expected potty training to go basically the same way. You know, pee goes in the toilet as does poop.
Not so.
Well, where does it go? Just let me tell you. Pee: goes on every possible surface in my bathroom (and somehow in the hallway outside of the bathroom door), but very rarely makes it into the toilet. I will take any advice BUT the Cheerio advice. Tried it, doesn't work.
Poop? Only those mothers who have scrubbed the poop out of cherished Mickey Mouse underwear can understand. There are no words to describe the utter disgust that that involves.
So here we are, warning or not, in the middle of this journey called potty training. We made it through another day with only one accident. And guess what? I have ANOTHER BOY to potty train when this one is finished.
P.S. Thank you mom. I am just beginning to understand all that you did for me!

Just as I am...

1 Peter 5:7 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
7 casting all your care upon Him, because He cares about you.

The invitation song during church this morning was the old faithful, Just As I Am. Oh hum...
Then I listened, actually listened to those old words.
Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me.
Just as I am.
Just as I am.
Just as you are.
So many times we feel like we cannot go to church because we have this issue or that issue in our life. We cannot go to church because we're "dirty" and need to be clean to go in the building. Some how, some where, we've got people thinking that inorder to be worthy of entering the church building that they've got to have it all figured out. How far from the truth!
While I was thinking about this, I thought about my car. I don't wash my car before taking it to the car wash. How dumb would that be? I take my car, just like it is: dusty, gravely, dirty. I take it just like it is and let the machine do it's job. That's why Jesus left us the church. He wants us so bad that we'll take us just like we are. Bring it in, bring it all in. Then, leave it there and let Jesus do his job.


Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me, but that thou bidst me come to thee, oh lamb of God I come. I come.